Stock Language

How To Make News Sound Like Olds

Someone has said that writing should be like a window pane: clear, clean, transparent. It should show you the view on the other side of the window, and be largely unnoticeable itself.

When we dress our stories in shopworn phrases and cliches, we’re smudging the window and blurring the view.

Overworked words and phrases have a way of making the news sound like olds. They take the edge off the stories. Even a sensational story can suddenly sound like something the reader has heard before.

We take a spectacular auto accident and reduce it to a cliche: fiery wreck.

• Two men were killed Tuesday in a fiery wreck on I-95.

Sounds kind of flat, doesn’t it? Let’s try it again.

• Two men died Tuesday when their car hurtled over a guardrail on I-95, flipped 60 feet through the air, slammed into a tree and caught fire.

Hear what’s happening there? Does that sound more lively, less blase? Why? What does that lead have going for it?

Two things. It has lively verbs and it gives concrete details.

Instead of characterizing the event with a stock phrase, we’re reporting it.

Many stories sound flat because the language itself is stale. A stunning development becomes less stunning because the writer just had to use that phrase and dig the reader in the ribs.

Some of this stock language is so embedded that many of us don’t even see it. As writers and as editors, we need to become conscious of it. It’s not a matter of just memorizing lists of words and phrases. We could do that, but no such list will be complete. It is better to learn to look critically at writing and listen critically as we sound it in our heads.

Where does the worn-out language come from? Part of the answer lies in writers’ insecurity. Many of them may nod in agreement with the idea of using clear, simple language, but in fact they haven’t learned to trust such language.

Some of the overused phrases arise from big news. In last year’s war, we got "shock and awe." And in Afghanistan, we got "on the ground."

The attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon gave us instant cliches:

• Things changed forever.
• Ground zero.
• Loved ones. (Actually, this one was already in use in stories about disasters; it showed up a lot more after the terrorist attacks.)

We can list several other sources or categories of tired language:

• Journalese
• Bureaucratese
• Trendspeak
• Plain old clutter
• Jargon
• Psychobabble
• Copspeak (We talked about that in the last issue.)
• Strained description.
• And, this may surprise you until you think about it—Christmas.

Notice that we haven’t even mentioned business and sports.

Let’s look at some examples of deadening terms.

• Area
  "Area" is a perfectly good word when it is used in a sensible way. But as an adjective, it is often unneeded and sometimes it sounds downright silly.
  Area business, area schools, area residents—most of the time, the context ought to be clear enough without the adjective. If we’re talking about schools or businesses in Bangladesh, by all means let’s say so.
  Perhaps the silliest term is "area man" or "area woman."
  Well, lessee, we have Superman, Pac Man, the handy man, the candy man and … Area Man.
  At some newspapers, Area Man seems to be ubiquitous. And, boy, does he lead an interesting life.
• Amid
  Does anyone actually say "amid" in ordinary conversation? Not often, surely.
  And no real person goes around saying things like: Amid speculation … blah, blah.
  Amid mounting protests …
• Don
  Again, no one uses this word in ordinary speech. Here’s a good general guideline: If you wouldn’t say it, don’t put it in the paper.
  Note: If you simply must use the word, at least make sure it isn’t wrong. "Don" means to put on.
  "Donned in" is a barbarism.
• Clad
  Everything we just said about "don" applies to this pretentious little word.
• Dream
  Almost any lead that includes the word "dream" can probably be improved by getting rid of the word.
  It’s hard to think of any combination that hasn’t been done to death.
  • Dream house.
  • American dream.
  • Dream car.
  • Dream trip.
  • Dream come true.
  The other side of that coin has also been done to death: worst nightmare.
• Lifestyle
  What’s wrong with the simple word "life"? "Lifestyle" can sound terribly silly, especially when it is used to talk about insects and other critters.
• Mixed reactions
  Of course, people have mixed reactions or mixed feelings no matter what the issue. Just say what their reactions are.
• Role model
  What did we do before this phrase was invented? The term just reeks of psychobabble and touchy-feely posturing.
  Would it kill us just to say that someone was an example for others? Or even just a model—drop the "role."
• Substance abuse
  If you think about it, this phrase makes absolutely no sense.
  We’re talking about drug or alcohol addiction. It doesn’t matter if the liquor suffers.
• Input
  This is computer jargon and it’s vague jargon at that. Do we mean opinion or influence? Let’s say what we mean.
• Deja vu
  The funny thing about this one—half the time the writers who use it apparently don’t know what it means. Deja vu is the feeling that you have had an experience before, when in fact you haven’t.
  "Deja vu all over again" was worth a chuckle the first time we heard it—now it’s just a groaner.
• Clutter
  Some stock language is in the category of clutter that William Zinsser calls creeping nouns.
  The writer takes a decent concrete noun and turns into a modifier for a vague, abstract noun.
  You’ll recognize these:
  • Process
    Cooking process, writing process, learning process, manufacturing process, bidding process, peace process.
  • Situation
    Classroom situation, emergency situation, crisis situation.
  • Experience
    Learning experience, classroom experience.
  • Activity
    Sales activity, business activity, shower activity.
  • Incident
    Shooting incident, bombing incident.
• Journalese
  Journalese involves more than worn words and phrases. It is a whole weird language of its own—a language of backward sentences, twisted syntax, bizarre clustering of modifiers. But a large part of journalese is the reflexive use of worn terms. Such as:
• Addressed
• Braved
• Voiced concern
• Cautious optimism
• War-torn country
• Heated debate
• Embattled
• Send a signal/message
• Economic crunch
• Burgeoning
• Controversial
• Storm of controversy
• In the wake of
• Skyrocketing
• Escalated
• Twentysomething
• Political football
• political hot potato
• Chilling effect
• Hammered out
• Launch
• Worst-case scenario
• Facility
• Litany
• Target (as a verb)
• Spark
• Spawn
• Spur
• Fuel
• Trigger
• Golf-ball-size hail
• Hike
• Infrastructure
• Level playing field

We could go on and on, but let’s not. Let’s just resolve to shun worn-out language of all sorts.

The good news is that we don’t have to invent substitutes for these groaners. All we need to do is use everyday language.