Make Every Word Count

With space at a premium in newspapers today, you need to make every word count in every story. These techniques will help tighten stories, whether you're working with wire copy yourself or working with reporters and assigning editors to strengthen staff stories.

Set the pace

The lead sets the pace for each story. A brief, breezy lead invites the reader into a story with the promise of a quick and lively pace. A ponderous lead invites the reader to turn to the next story, in which case it doesn't matter how long or how good the rest of the story is.

• Entice the reader. Don't accept a lead that the reporter has treated as a suitcase, cramming into it as much as can fit. Regard it more like a g-string, brief and enticing. If your lead captures the essence of the story in a few words, the reader will read on to learn the facts. You don't need them all in the lead. A long lead shows a lack of confidence, as though the reporter doesn't believe the reader will read the whole story, so she stuffs as much as she can into the first sentence.
• Challenge long leads. We've all read excellent leads that were long: 30 words, maybe even 40. But those are rare. Most long leads are too heavy and slow. Check how long the lead is, even counting the words occasionally. If it's more than 20 words, challenge each piece of the lead and ask whether that actually has to be in the very first paragraph. Challenge the reporter to write a shorter lead or write one yourself if it's a wire story.
• Stamp out punctuation. Many of the best leads have one piece of punctuation, a period. Regard multiple commas or dashes as red flags. Encourage the reporter to try writing a smoother sentence with just one comma or none. If you have lots of punctuation in the lead, read it aloud so you can hear whether it's choppy or whether it flows smoothly.
• Minimize attribution. Attribution lengthens a lead, as well as weakening it. Can the reporter state something as a fact, rather than hedging it with attribution?
• Subtract numbers. If the lead uses any numbers, their impact must be strong and their meaning and relationship must be immediately evident to an average reader. If the reader has to stop and ponder the numbers, they don't belong in the lead. (They may not even belong in the story, but in a graphic). Rarely could you justify using more than two numbers in a lead.
• Write an alternative lead. If the lead is longer than 20 words, tell the reporter to write a shorter alternative lead and evaluate the two side by side. Don't accept a long lead without testing it against a shorter lead.
  

Strengthen as you tighten

Sometimes you have to cut information from stories, but first try to tighten by making the language leaner and stronger.

• Check each sentence. In each sentence, see whether a word or phrase can be eliminated without hurting the meaning.
• H&J. If you need to cut a few inches, hyphenate and justify the story. Then look for paragraphs with just one or two words on the last line. See if you can cut a word or two from those grafs.
• Stamp out there is usages. Virtually every sentence that uses there with any form of the verb to be will grow stronger (and often shorter) if you rewrite without it. This usage takes the weakest verb in our language and pairs it with one of the vaguest words to create a weak, vague usage that robs sentences of their subjects. Avoid all forms: there is, there's, there are, there was, there were, there will be, there could have been. If you're prone to this, do a quick search for the word there when you've finished writing and fix each sentence where you commit this offense.
• Minimize it is usage. Again, this combines a weak verb with a vague word, especially if it has no antecedent. Examples are it is difficult, it is easy, it is important. Say what is easy, difficult or important.
• Challenge uses of to be verbs. Is, are, am, was, were, been and being are weak verbs. Sometimes they are the most accurate verbs. You can't and shouldn't eliminate all uses of these verbs. But you should always challenge them. See if you can use a stronger verb. This may not save words, but it strengthens the words you use.
• Challenge all weak verbs. When you find weak verbs such as do, get, put and have, ask whether you can replace them with stronger verbs. That doesn't simply mean using a longer synonymous verb, such as obtain instead of get or possess instead of have. Ask whether you can convey the meaning of the sentence with a stronger verb. Again, you may not save words, but you strengthen the words you use, making your story feel tighter.
• Write with active verbs. Active verbs not only strengthen your sentences, they help shorten them. Passive verbs generally require more words. The subject of the sentence should do the action. Sometimes (especially if you spot a by in the sentence) you can just flip the sentence around: That conviction was overturned by an appeals court becomes An appeals court overturned that conviction. Other times, you have the right subject but need to choose an active verb: Tim Pawlenty was declared the victor in the race for governor Tuesday becomes Tim Pawlenty won the race for governor Tuesday.
• Replace phrases with words. Look at the phrases in your copy and try to find phrases that can be reduced to a single word: hardly ever becomes rarely.
• Eliminate imprecise words. You will very rarely find a sentence that is enhanced by the word very. For instance, the very in the preceding sentence adds nothing. Look for other imprecise words such as many and several that you can cut or replace.
• Reduce use of adverbs. Instead of using a verb modified with an adverb, see whether you can use a more precise verb that needs no modification: dash instead of run fast.
• Reduce attribution. If the reporter knows something to be true, the story doesn't need to attribute it. Sometimes you can condense attribution with lead-ins and bullets. If the context before a quote, especially an earlier quote, makes the speaker clear, you might be able to eliminate the she said afterward.
• Avoid inflated words. Don't write utilize when it says nothing more than use. Don't write approximately when it says nothing more than about. Don't write purchase when it says nothing more than buy.
• Paraphrase weak quotes. Many sources speak in jargon or convoluted sentences that reporters should not quote. Be demanding of quotes. If they don't convey strong opinion or emotion, you probably can say it better (and tighter) than the speaker. If the speaker is using jargon that you wouldn't use in writing or your readers wouldn't use in conversation, paraphrase.
• Condense phrases. When you find a sentence that strings together several prepositional phrases or multiple clauses, consider them an invitation to tighten. Try to combine or eliminate phrases. A phrase that modifies a noun might be replaced with an adjective. Maybe you just need to break it into two or three sentences.
• Say what is, not what isn't. You can't always do this. Sometimes you have to say what isn't. But often you can strengthen and shorten sentences by stating what is.
• No ands or buts. Sometimes writers use and or but unnecessarily as transitions to start sentences. If the sentence doesn't conflict with the one before, but is inappropriate as well as unnecessary. And is frequently an unnecessary transition. By the mere fact that the story continues, the reader knows more is coming. The other overused words that you can cut frequently include that, the and a. Often you do need these words, but sometimes they are extraneous, such as the the and that in the previous sentence.
• Catch redundant words. Formerly isn't needed with past tense. Currently or now isn't needed with present tense.
• Catch redundant facts. Watch for quotes or examples that make the same point twice.
• Catch redundant setups. Does the writer set up quotes by telling the reader most of what the quote will say? This is an easy place to tighten.
• You don't have to quote everyone. Do quotes help make points? Do they advance the story? If the reporter is quoting someone just because she talked to him, cut that quote.